My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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