a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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