who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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