You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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