Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
