He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
