You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
