So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
