did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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