im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
