a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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