the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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