non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
