Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
