Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize