yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
