You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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