I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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