The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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