i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
