From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
