my sisters under your porch take her home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
