I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
