i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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