Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
