so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
