The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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