Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
