last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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