I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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