My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
