I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
