i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize