Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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