NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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