I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
