hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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