My Higher Power is John Stamos
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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