i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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