life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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