So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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