Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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