I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
