Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize