If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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