"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
