"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
