Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
