I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
