FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
