So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
