Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
