with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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