I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The Olympian is in my bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
