She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
