I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
