Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
