Can Purell be used as lube?
Welp...herpes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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