I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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