I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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