I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
