hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i've created a new STD.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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