just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
