u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
