Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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