It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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