ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
