I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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