I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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