your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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