i think my tv is drunk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
