What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
