My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im part way to drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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