I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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