I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
