This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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