Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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(818): View more from California

I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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(212): View more from New York

Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

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(361): View more from Texas

He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?

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(406): View more from Montana

You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.

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(949): View more from California

He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party

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