The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
