I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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