Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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