We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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