I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize