so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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