it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
