He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize