Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
