We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
