Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
