are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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