So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
