I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
