Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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