im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
