yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
