i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
