nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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