Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
