Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize