Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
