He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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