dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
