I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
