Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
