Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
