he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
